The Spoked B

Posted in Bruins History, 50 Greatest Bruins names June 18th, 2007

The 50 greatest Bruins names of all time: The Top Ten

So here we are. From Fernie Flaman at #50, through Gerry “Cheesy” Cheevers at #40, tiptoeing by Phil “The Italian Slot Machine” Esposito in my last minute addendum, past Jim “Peggy” O’Neill at #28, and finally past Emory “Spunk” Sparrow at #13 we now arrive at the ten greatest Bruins names of all time. Well. In my opinion, anyway. But, hey, what are lists without controversy?

#10 - Frankie “Mister Zero” Brimsek - A goalie doesn’t get that name without reason and he more than earned it. Hell, in 1938-39 he logged 10 shutouts in 43 games. Anyone who can post a goose egg every four games is okay in my book. Even better, his name sounds like a comic book arch-villain who covers people in ice.

#9 - Armand “Bep” Guidolin - Go ahead. Say “Bep Guidolin” ten times fast. Sounds like you’re communicating with fish, doesn’t it? The story of how Armand Guidolin got this nickname differs, but I prefer the Wikipedia version (his Italian mother pronounced baby, “Beppy”) over the Legends of Hockey version (a broadcaster called him “Bep” because his birth name was too difficult). “Armand” is too difficult to pronounce? C’mon.

#8 - Bob Beers - This one really doesn’t need any explanation, does it? Even better, it’s plural. The only way you could have topped this is if his last name was “Kegs”.

#7 - Glen Featherstone - Jumbo shrimp. Major General. Government Intelligence. As oxymorons go, it doesn’t get much better than “Featherstone”. What’s his family origin? Pumice?

#6 - Harry “Apple Cheeks” Lumley - So immature and insultingly patronizing, it’s a winner every time. Like someone nicknamed “Skippy”, it’s hard to take them seriously. But, hey, the dude’s in the Hall of Fame!

#5 - Bruce Shoebottom - Like Bob Beers, there’s really no explanation needed with this one. Just as the exposed sole of a foot in Arab culture is considered extremely insulting, Shoebottom…wellll, lets just say that he wasn’t a great defenseman. He was, however, a mean S.O.B. From Hockey Draft Central:

Shoebottom exhibited one of the angriest outbursts in pro hockey history during Oklahoma City’s March 23, 1994, CHL game at Tulsa. The incident took place after Shoebottom tried to leave the penalty box to resume a fight with Mike MacWilliam, who was on his way to the opposing penalty box after officials had broken up a fight between the two players. The attendant in the penalty box was unable to restrain an irate Shoebottom, and police intervened to protect the attendant from further harm. Shoebottom then head-butted one of the policeman trying to restrain him and was only subdued after a blast of pepper spray and a chokehold. Shoebottom suffered severe shoulder and neck injuries in the bizarre outburst. Initially charged with assault, Shoebottom was never tried since the charges were dropped.

Oof. You know what, I take that all back. Bruce Shoebottom’s one of the greatest defenseman ever. Better than Orr. (gulp)

#4 - Real Chevrefils - Never in my life have I ever heard of someone whose name sounds like a gas station promotion. “That’s right, if you bring your Camaro down to Dave’s Citgo this Saturday, we’ll give you a real Chevy refill!”

#3 - Bronco Horvath - Well, hell, as long as we’re talking about Chevys, we might as well segue into a Bronco. Like the horse the truck’s named after, if you want to make anyone sound tough, call ‘em Bronco. Hey, it worked for Bronco Nagurski. Although Horvath wasn’t exactly a tough guy, he did have some good years scoring on the “Uke Line” with Johnny Bucyk and Vic Stasiuk.

#2 - Fred Knipscheer - This is a name that tantalized me from the get-go. I can’t explain why, but it just sounds…well…*perfect*. Take a deep breath and close your eyes. Pretend that this is a different Freddie Knipscheer…one that DIDN’T score only 9 points in 28 games. Now imagine these lines delivered in a Boston drawl: “Freddie Kuh-nip-sheah with only one defender to beat! He pokes the puck through his legs and gets it back, Kuh-nip-sheah shoots! He scores!!! Goal number 67 for Kuh-nip-sheah this season!” Ahhhh, gives you chills doesn’t it? It makes me want to go run out and get a jersey lettered right now. You pair that name with any kind of talent (be it scoring or fighting) and it guarantees a barroom legend.

#1 - Jean Pusie - Pusie was the clown of hockey in his time known more for his on-the-ice antics than for his actual talent. From Legends of Hockey:

In London, however, fans were more preoccupied with his behaviour than his stickhandling. One night, on a breakaway, he fired a sizzler that took the opposing goalies’ glove right off of his hand and into the net for a score. Before the goalie could move, Pusie dove into the net, secured the glove and presented it to the befuddled goalkeeper accompanied by a low bow.

Not only that, but he was a professional wrestler too. Slam! Wrestling recounts a humorous tale from Canadian sportswriter Jim Coleman:

“My final meeting with Jean Pusie came after he had abandoned hockey and embraced professional wrestling. We met at Toronto’s Maple Leaf Gardens on a Thursday night when Pusie appeared in a preliminary bout on a regular weekly wrestling card promoted by Frank Tunney.

“Late that night, the wrestlers and several members of the news media were drinking in Tunney’s suite of offices on the main floor Church Street side of Maple Leaf Gardens. One of the wrestlers, Rudy Paytek, was an accomplished accordionist and was entertaining his fellow-wrestlers on the squeeze box as they waiting to be called into Tunney’s inner office to receive their individual shares of the night’s box-office receipts.

“Finally, from behind his office door, Tunney bawled out, ‘Pusie!’ As he arose from his chair, Pusie tapped the accordion-player, Rudy Paytek, on the shoulder. ‘Come with me,’ Pusie said to Paytek, ‘I like to listen to music while I’m getting screwed.’”

But let’s be honest everyone. We all know the reason Pusie’s on this list. My God, how can anyone go through life with this name? This should be the name of the French Prime Minister, not a hockey player. Hey, you’ve got to give Pusie credit…he made the most of it, becoming a fan favorite and even going into wrestling. Not surprising since he probably had to learn to fight at an early age.

But the best part about Jean Pusie? He only played four games in a Bruins jersey and spent most of his NHL career in a Canadiens sweater. Now THAT’S being a Pusie!

This entry was posted on Monday, June 18th, 2007 at 12:52 am and is filed under Bruins History, 50 Greatest Bruins names. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.