The Spoked B

Posted in Screw the Habs January 22nd, 2008

Canadien Kryptonite

One of the benefits of NOT having the ability to regularly watch Bruins games is the fact that I got to miss tonight’s stinker against the Canadiens. As I’m typing this, the B’s are down 7-1 with 8:55 left in the game (UPDATE: 7-2…thank Heaven for small favors) and I have no idea how much worse this is going to get with five minutes left.

I could write this off as just a bad game, but we’re talking about the Habs here. Not only is Bruins history filled with painful losses to the Canadiens, but they can’t seem to stop doing it. A loss tonight will make them 0-6 against the Canadiens this year (that would be 0-8 if you want to count the two pre-season losses to the Habs as well). If you want to get technically accurate that’s 0-6-0 in the regular season, meaning that they couldn’t at least lose one of those games in OT and salvage a measly point.

Let’s put that in even more perspective. With a loss tonight, the Bruins will have a record of 24-19-5. Take out those six regular season Canadiens games and the Bruins have an impressive record of 24-13-5. So the mission is clear: find a way to beat the Habs.

Here are some recommendations. Feel free to chime in with your own.

• Play better. That makes too much sense. Besides, it’s not even remotely humorous. Next.
• Infect the Canadiens locker room with whatever virus has been plaguing the Bruins for the last month. Sabotage! I like it!
• Hijack the Habs’ team bus and replace the players with those from a local Pee Wee league. At least we’d be able to garner an OT loss out of it.
• Move the next home game’s location and don’t tell the Canadiens. A win by forfeit is still a win.
• Bomb Montreal’s Bell Centre when the Canadiens are playing at home. Aim for a Habs-Devils game too…preferably one where Claude Lemieux happens to be in attendance for some reason. Sure this is a drastic measure, but hey, I’m sure Montreal’s done something to us to piss us off. Where’s Celine Dion from? Besides, here in the USA, we’re on a roll. We could just tell Canada we were targeting a terrorist hideout in Fallujah and missed. Oops. Must have been those French-made bombs we were using.

God, I hate the Habs.

(Note: this should go without saying, but I’m kidding here. The only violence I condone is that doled out via fist by someone in a Bruins jersey)

This entry was posted on Tuesday, January 22nd, 2008 at 11:29 pm and is filed under Screw the Habs. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.